Automatically Flush The Automatic Flush!

23 06 2008

So, I just started thinking (as I usually do) about something completely random that has absolutely nothing to do with my current life whatsoever.

Automatic. Flushing. Toilets.

What in the world compelled someone to invent these? Oh, I know what you’re thinking – “What do you have against those, Sarah?! It makes bathroom time more efficient! Our technology is growing!”


Let’s just admit one thing: those things NEVER go off at the right time. Ever. Either too early or too late. And if it’s too late, they make people look 100% incompetent because they stand up, wonder why it didn’t go off, and then proceed to wave their arm around the black dot that they’re guessing is the sensor. It doesn’t help at all, but they do it anyway. And the toilet, I’m sure, motionlessly waves back in appreciation instead of just doing the ONE thing that a toilet is MADE to DO!

I mean, I suppose one could say, “But what about the disabled people of the world, Sarah? Who don’t have hands with which to flush their toilet?”

Ok. So then here’s a question: how did the handless person close and lock the stall in first place?! Why don’t we have automatic toilet stall close-and-lock-ers then, hm?! (On behalf of the many cleithrophobics in the world, I beg you never to invent these or I will be forced to kill you).

And if those two aspects weren’t enough to change your mind, how about I add a little (mostly male) common sense: If a (usually male) person doesn’t need to touch the nasty toilet handle, what are the chances the said (usually male) person is going to wash their (usually his) hands?

I rest my case.

What the crap, world? Why not invent a way to make the plastic automatically come off of CD cases or have junk food automatically appear in my kitchen?

I can flush my own toilet, thanks.